That moment when you realize your maturity.....
When you realize that "I can't do this anymore" has turned into a pattern, a series of unfortunate circumstances, that just won't stop...
When you realize that every scenario you find yourself in collapses and leaves you "challenged"...
When you get knocked down over and over and over... Until the reality of that moment dawns on you...
And you then realize as you look back over your recent experiences, that you keep getting up!
Against all odds.... you keep getting up.
Like Rocky fucking Balboa you just won't stay down, you just won't DIE. And you don't know why...
You don't have the answers. You were swallowed up in despair and hopelessness more times than you can count, and still.... here you are. You didn't wanna be!!! You wanted out! But damn if you're not still here....
Sane.
Caring.
Not blaming anyone!
Circumstances did not change.... ! It did not get better! You did not catch a break! But you got up anyway.
You love anyway.
You proceed anyway.
For some reason, you aren't mad.
Oh you were mad! You experienced anger and rage on a mammoth scale! But it passed. There are no grudges. There are no triggers. There is no "flinch".
You aren't medicated.
You aren't in denial.
You're not projecting.
You have genuinely survived hell. You kept getting up.
Not because you did all the right things! You didn't!!! You got twisted! And broken, and smashed, and nailed, gave the fuck up many many times! EVERY time!!
But then the dust settled and you got back up. Looked around. Owned your shit. And let it all go.
And now.... At this point.... You don't even know who you are anymore...!
You've changed.
You're different.
Not shaken or thrown off game so much anymore.
Not trying to figure anything out anymore.
Not anxious anymore.
Bruce Willis.
John Rambo.
Xena fucking Warrior Princess.
For some reason.... You survived all the shit and chaos thrown at you.
You watch kids.... rookies.... punk ass wanna-be's.... Always cryin'... Always screamin' & yellin'...
Always gotta hype... Because they're scared. Because they're inexperienced. Because until you enter that battle field, you have no idea how to act, or how you're gonna react... how to handle it, how to deal with all the unpredictable things you see and have to deal with...
But once you survive the battle.... Many battles.... You find yourself in a quiet and peaceful moment, and you notice....
You notice yourself.
You observe what the war has turned you into.
Not everyone makes it.
Not everyone comes out whole.
Some come out monsters.....
They weren't ready. Made wrong choices. Created a flow.... of consequences. That ate their bodies and their sanity alive! They couldn't keep getting up.....
They'll have to do it all again.
But it seems that you've done this enough times before to have gained the strength... to keep getting up.... to let shit go.... and trust yourself, with everything.
When you realize that "I can't do this anymore" has turned into a pattern, a series of unfortunate circumstances, that just won't stop...
When you realize that every scenario you find yourself in collapses and leaves you "challenged"...
When you get knocked down over and over and over... Until the reality of that moment dawns on you...
And you then realize as you look back over your recent experiences, that you keep getting up!
Against all odds.... you keep getting up.
Like Rocky fucking Balboa you just won't stay down, you just won't DIE. And you don't know why...
You don't have the answers. You were swallowed up in despair and hopelessness more times than you can count, and still.... here you are. You didn't wanna be!!! You wanted out! But damn if you're not still here....
Sane.
Caring.
Not blaming anyone!
Circumstances did not change.... ! It did not get better! You did not catch a break! But you got up anyway.
You love anyway.
You proceed anyway.
For some reason, you aren't mad.
Oh you were mad! You experienced anger and rage on a mammoth scale! But it passed. There are no grudges. There are no triggers. There is no "flinch".
You aren't medicated.
You aren't in denial.
You're not projecting.
You have genuinely survived hell. You kept getting up.
Not because you did all the right things! You didn't!!! You got twisted! And broken, and smashed, and nailed, gave the fuck up many many times! EVERY time!!
But then the dust settled and you got back up. Looked around. Owned your shit. And let it all go.
And now.... At this point.... You don't even know who you are anymore...!
You've changed.
You're different.
Not shaken or thrown off game so much anymore.
Not trying to figure anything out anymore.
Not anxious anymore.
Bruce Willis.
John Rambo.
Xena fucking Warrior Princess.
For some reason.... You survived all the shit and chaos thrown at you.
You watch kids.... rookies.... punk ass wanna-be's.... Always cryin'... Always screamin' & yellin'...
Always gotta hype... Because they're scared. Because they're inexperienced. Because until you enter that battle field, you have no idea how to act, or how you're gonna react... how to handle it, how to deal with all the unpredictable things you see and have to deal with...
But once you survive the battle.... Many battles.... You find yourself in a quiet and peaceful moment, and you notice....
You notice yourself.
You observe what the war has turned you into.
Not everyone makes it.
Not everyone comes out whole.
Some come out monsters.....
They weren't ready. Made wrong choices. Created a flow.... of consequences. That ate their bodies and their sanity alive! They couldn't keep getting up.....
They'll have to do it all again.
But it seems that you've done this enough times before to have gained the strength... to keep getting up.... to let shit go.... and trust yourself, with everything.
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