The inexplicable anguish of heart.
The pain.
The agony.
It is physical!
It is REAL!
The reflex to judge self, situation, choices.
The need to separate right from wrong...
The spasming death of everything but true.
We had no idea how un-true it all was!!!
Not "out there" but INSIDE US.
You squelch the divine work by "finding a way out of it".
You find it almost completely impossible to believe that this could all be divine intention and a really good thing!
The anguish..... It is very real, very physical. Knots in your gut, churning racing heart, irritated gums, insomnia and exhaustion, little or no appetite....
NO ONE can tell you this is not god!!!!!!!
NO ONE can judge your experience!!!!!!!
There are no levels.
There is no 'wrong' place to be.
But oh god how it FEELS wrong!!!!!
You doubt and question every aspect of your existence!
You do not feel worthy to be alive, you do not feel deserving of love or attention, you feel helpless and worthless and burdensome....
Its all about you.
You believe in and preach about love and god and blessings... About helping people in need... About 'being the change'.... But then YOU're the one down, down, down and it begins to erase you and challenge everything you thought you believed in.
Do you suddenly judge, criticize and hate others because they aren't there for you?
Do you likewise refuse the help that IS extended to you because you feel unworthy of it?
We often neglect to respect the "others" in our personal experiences.... Those who come into our paths.... for a purpose - a purpose we may not always know, a purpose not always what it seems to obviously be. Maybe they aren't there for US.... Maybe they come into our path in our darkest hour for THEM! It may be their opportunity to make choices that help THEM grow....
Your presence in their path may challenge them in ways that THEY need.
Your presence may be an answer to THEIR prayers... THEY may need to help someone, or show care, concern, or compassion for someone that is at the end of their rope...
We neglect to respect the others who are riding on our journey with us. It IS all about us.... and at the same time, it isn't about us at all.
This "thing" that has afflicted me.... Its for you as well.
We are one.
35 For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;36 naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink?38 And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 39 When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers/sisters of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’
The dark Haitian gentleman cab driver who stopped to see if I needed help;
The beautiful well dressed lady who stopped in the parking lot to see if we were ok and needed help;
Will;
Dalene;
Kielly;
My little brother Mike... (yes BROTHER)
Micheline my sister-soulmate;
GypsyMoCo who got us into this mess via poor communication;
"Mike TheMobileMechanic" who fixed a few things, charged me $400 and then left me stranded;
La Quinta Inn staff who are the sweetest people!
Steven who was very polite about a very awkward situation;
Lyft/Uber drivers Brian, Richard, Shawn, Tim;
Some "other" mechanics who "helped" me for $327 and still didn't fix my ride but still may come thru;
Jessi & Abi my reasons, my rocks, my best friends for life;
and everyone in between.....
We are all one.
"God" has seen it all - every word, act, and deed. Every intention, every excuse, every lie, every tear, every effort.... How you've dealt with me, and how I've dealt with you... Energy. Its all energy. It is all serving its purpose. For me. And for you.
I will survive. But that is no excuse for your indifference. Me being ok does not relieve you of your responsibilities to do the right thing.
I am going thru a specific process. It is not for you to judge. I am currently spinning completely out of control.... Helpless, vulnerable, at "your" mercy. The darkest hour of my life. And on some levels, I'm doing this for YOU.
You are the change.
You are god.
You are love.
I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.
Or did you......?
The pain.
The agony.
It is physical!
It is REAL!
The reflex to judge self, situation, choices.
The need to separate right from wrong...
The spasming death of everything but true.
We had no idea how un-true it all was!!!
Not "out there" but INSIDE US.
You squelch the divine work by "finding a way out of it".
You find it almost completely impossible to believe that this could all be divine intention and a really good thing!
The anguish..... It is very real, very physical. Knots in your gut, churning racing heart, irritated gums, insomnia and exhaustion, little or no appetite....
NO ONE can tell you this is not god!!!!!!!
NO ONE can judge your experience!!!!!!!
There are no levels.
There is no 'wrong' place to be.
But oh god how it FEELS wrong!!!!!
You doubt and question every aspect of your existence!
You do not feel worthy to be alive, you do not feel deserving of love or attention, you feel helpless and worthless and burdensome....
Its all about you.
You believe in and preach about love and god and blessings... About helping people in need... About 'being the change'.... But then YOU're the one down, down, down and it begins to erase you and challenge everything you thought you believed in.
Do you suddenly judge, criticize and hate others because they aren't there for you?
Do you likewise refuse the help that IS extended to you because you feel unworthy of it?
We often neglect to respect the "others" in our personal experiences.... Those who come into our paths.... for a purpose - a purpose we may not always know, a purpose not always what it seems to obviously be. Maybe they aren't there for US.... Maybe they come into our path in our darkest hour for THEM! It may be their opportunity to make choices that help THEM grow....
Your presence in their path may challenge them in ways that THEY need.
Your presence may be an answer to THEIR prayers... THEY may need to help someone, or show care, concern, or compassion for someone that is at the end of their rope...
We neglect to respect the others who are riding on our journey with us. It IS all about us.... and at the same time, it isn't about us at all.
This "thing" that has afflicted me.... Its for you as well.
We are one.
35 For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;36 naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink?38 And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 39 When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers/sisters of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’
The dark Haitian gentleman cab driver who stopped to see if I needed help;
The beautiful well dressed lady who stopped in the parking lot to see if we were ok and needed help;
Will;
Dalene;
Kielly;
My little brother Mike... (yes BROTHER)
Micheline my sister-soulmate;
GypsyMoCo who got us into this mess via poor communication;
"Mike TheMobileMechanic" who fixed a few things, charged me $400 and then left me stranded;
La Quinta Inn staff who are the sweetest people!
Steven who was very polite about a very awkward situation;
Lyft/Uber drivers Brian, Richard, Shawn, Tim;
Some "other" mechanics who "helped" me for $327 and still didn't fix my ride but still may come thru;
Jessi & Abi my reasons, my rocks, my best friends for life;
and everyone in between.....
We are all one.
"God" has seen it all - every word, act, and deed. Every intention, every excuse, every lie, every tear, every effort.... How you've dealt with me, and how I've dealt with you... Energy. Its all energy. It is all serving its purpose. For me. And for you.
I will survive. But that is no excuse for your indifference. Me being ok does not relieve you of your responsibilities to do the right thing.
I am going thru a specific process. It is not for you to judge. I am currently spinning completely out of control.... Helpless, vulnerable, at "your" mercy. The darkest hour of my life. And on some levels, I'm doing this for YOU.
You are the change.
You are god.
You are love.
I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.
Or did you......?
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